La Cucina Olandese

Because of the financial crisis in Europe, meeting Italians in Rotterdam is easy.  They seem to be everywhere around the city, working in pizzerias, looking for work in pizzerias or just getting bombed off their tits at the "Coffee Shops".  Within a few minutes the conversation with an Italian always turns to food and just how bad the food is here in the Netherlands compared to Italy.  With this in mind I decided to write a couple of lines about some of the typical Dutch dishes some quite palatable and some that induce vomiting.

Kaas

Cheese (Kaas) in is eaten by everyone, young and old.  Maybe that's why the two main types of these are the Jong and the Oud.  The cheese is quite nice and inoffensive but certainly lacks the balls of a Grana Padano or Gorgonzola.  Like Cliff Richard compared to the Led Zepp.

Kaas

Vis

The fish (vis) is definitely the highlight of the cuisine of the coastal areas of the Netherlands.  Some people get so excited about how good the fish is that they can't even wait to cook it and instead just lightly salt it and eat it with just enough onions to hide the fact that they are in fact eating bait.

Haring - Haute Cuisine or  Bait

Kipkerrie

Pre-packaged little containers of re-constituted food products mixed with Mayonnaise  are a big hit in Holland.  Kipkerrie (Curried Chicken and Mayo) is my favourite but you can also get eggs and mayo, tuna and mayo, celery and mayo and prawns and mayo.  mmm Lekker!

Goed Koop!

Filet Americain

For those who don't like eating raw fish or mayonnaise there is always Filet Americain.  This is raw meat blended to a pulp and served with onion. Surprisingly quite nice.

Filet Americain

Karnemelk

Whereas I thought "Karne" was the Dutch word for "Carnia", an area in the Alps famous for its dairy products, the closest translation is that Scottish word "minging".  Made by leaving a carton of perfectly good milk in the sun for a month, Karnemelk is the ideal remedy If you've ever had difficulty making yourself vomit.   

Be Warned -  This is not milk from Carnia !

Kapsalon

Litterally "Barbershop" in Dutch, this dish was invented by the Turkish barbers of Rotterdam to keep their patrons entertained while they waited to get their moustaches trimmed.  This Turko-Dutch take on the Lasagne consist of 4 layers; Chips, Kebab Meat, Cheese and Lettuce.  Best eaten while shit-faced.  

Kapsalon

Bicycles

I'm bloody glad that bicycle helmets are not obligatory in this country because as it is I am already leaving my flat each morning with a "shit ton" of gear to prevent the following two situations from arising:

          a) Freezing 

          b) Bicycle Theft 

I am told that over 2 million bikes are stolen annually in the province of Zuid-Holland, however over half these thefts go unreported as the owners have already frozen to death.  In spite of these very real dangers, the bicycle still seems to be the preferred mode of transport around the village of Lekkerkerk, especially with children, old ladies and Australians. 

My bike cost me just on €60 second hand from a small bike shop in Niewe-Lekkerland (over the other side of the river) and he even threw in a little bell.  It seemed like a great deal at the time but I have since discovered that this is in fact quite expensive especially compared to some of the great deals that are available in the city Rotterdam.   

Apparently if you go to the right place at the right time you can very easily find a bike for as little as €5.  It sounds crazy I know, but apparently these "street vendors" have very low overheads and are highly motivated to sell.  One girl I met at the hostel got her sweet vintage racer for €20 and a disposable lighter from a very friendly chap wearing an imitation Adidas tracksuit.  He was reluctant to give her an extended warranty but at those prices who's complaining.

Een Fiets (http://racefietsblog.nl)

Dutch Lesson #2

"Fiets" is the Dutch word for bicycle.  The way to remember it is this simple mnemonic that came to me on my way to work this morning.

          Frozen,
          I
          Endure 
          The
          Snow

No phlegm is required for this one and the word is pronounced "Feets", like the plural of Feet.  As in One Foot, Two Feet, Three Feets. 

Sneeuw

The Dutch word for snow is "sneeuw" which seems to be pronounced more or less like "snail" in a cockney accent.  At least this is what it sounds like to me so I have begun to try and pronounce everything like Michael Caine.  I don't think it's it working though and the Dutch keep answering me in English.  

Regardless of how it is pronounced, the sneeuw has now officially started, which is is lovely unless you have to try and get to work in the morning using three modes of transport not necessarily designed for snow travel.   Needless to say I was a little late getting in this morning, but no one seemed to mind.

The Walk to the Factory

Sinterklaas

Although I did promise a technical report on the Dutch system of land reclamation, I feel I really must explain who Sinterklaas is and why my because of him my entire company was allowed to leave work an hour early today.

Sinterklaas is to Santa Claus what the Hi-5 is to the Wiggles.  Both parties dress ridiculously and do their best to keep small children entertained but one has had much more international success.  Sinterklass, much like jolly old Santa, dresses in red and has a long white beard but that is about where the similarity ends.

Sinterklaas is in fact a bishop who carries a crosier and wears a mitre with a big cross on the front.  He lives in Spain and comes to Holland by a steam boat on Dec 5th of each year to ride his white horse around the Netherlands delivering gifts of chocolate and oranges with the help of his African helper "Zwarte Piet" or "Black Peter".

Zwarte Piet en Sinterklass

What's more, instead of putting gifts in your stocking suspended above the fireplace Sinterklaas places the gifts in your shoe placed inside the fireplace.  It is advised to leave a carrot for his horse to eat and children that have been naughty during the year are given a gift of salt.

Crazy Dutch people, a fat dude from the earth's northern ice cap with a herd of flying reindeer is way more believable.

Lekkerkerk

...the Home Hill of the Lowlands

My lack of knowledge of the Dutch rental market combined with general laziness, lead me to leave the task of finding temporary accommodation in the hands of my company's HR department.  As a result I am now living in the country, in what has been described to me by a number of people as the "Bible Belt of South Holland".

Lekkerkerk, which literally translates "Tasty Church" according to one bar maid I met in Rotterdam, is situated on the banks of the mighty Lek.  Despite being home to a building in with the words "PARTY CENTRUM" written in block capitals above the door, there is not a lot of activity in this town (see rush hour photos below).  Nonetheless the houses are quaint, the gardens impeccable and the locals are really quite friendly and even attempt to make polite conversation with me in Dutch as I wait at the bus stop.  At least I think they are trying to communicate, either that or they just have something caught in their throat....it is often hard to tell. 

Lekkerkerk High Street

Over the river from Lekkerkerk is Niewe Lekkerland, not to be confused with the Liquorland chain of bottle shops and their cheeky personified bottle logo that can be found dotted throughout Queensland.  There is no bridge but you can catch a ferry across if you give the boat master a silver coin - although apparently he accepts Euros nowadays.  So, in search of a fresh cask of "Fruity Lexia" I paid the my way across the river and into the unknown, only to find neither a Bottle-O nor the underworld but just more neat rows of typically Dutch houses.

...more of the same

Stay tuned for tomorrow's entry Big Fat Dijk...

MS

Welcome to Holland

Since arriving in the Netherlands some 2 weeks ago to begin my new job, most conversations seem to start like this:

Random Dutch Person: "Where are you from?"

Mick Santarossa: "Australia"

Random Dutch Person: "What the Fuck are you doing here?!"

Indeed this is a question I have come to ask myself quite regularly, especially while riding a push bike with a wet seat through the freezing rain to make it to the factory where I am now working as a design engineer.  Why the fuck have I left the warmth of Townsville, the enjoyable job with field trips to the Great Barrier Reef and multiple tea breaks to come to live in the cold industrial heart of Zuid-Holland where it rains more than it doesn't and everyone is taller than me......Fuck knows!  Hopefully over the course of the coming blog entries I will discover why.